Dawn of the zombies

Zombieland will be released on DVD and in accordance with this and in honour of Columbus’ rules for staying alive I’ve come up with some of my own that that might just save your life from a zombie attack one day.

1) When you’re walking home and getting close, do yourself a big favour and get those keys out of your bag or pocket in advance. If there’s a zombie tracking you close behind, you don’t want to be fumbling around looking for them while running furiously away from something that wants you as dinner.

2) Bring your phone charger- In a world where social media is taking over most forms of communication and where stories break over twitter before national news stations it will be important to have your phone on you and charged at all times possible. You’ll be able to keep on contact with friends and family and more importantly if you have a Smartphone (which a good proportion of the population do) then you’ll be able to keep up to date with the latest outbreaks and safe places to head for.

3) If and when you find your safe place to settle down and make a base, see if you can do it near a supermarket, why? They have big freezers that can freeze food (assuming the power hasn’t been totally cut off). Food has expiry dates so the more you can freeze the longer you’re going to last in a world that can no longer generate fresh food.

4) They say that when a tornado hits, go to the smallest room in the house with no windows. This is also pretty applicable to zombie attacks. Unless you’re dealing with some advanced multi intelligent zombies they’re not going to look in the smallest room or closet for you, so lock it up or barricade if you will and have a good sleep.

5) Like Columbus says, the first to go are the fatties because they can’t run. Well if you think about it the second to go are always the parents. They’re usually older and don’t take this thing too seriously so they’re a lot more vulnerable. When you first get news there’s been a zombie outbreak, call them up and insist they don’t leave the house and they lock themselves in until you get there. First port of call is always your family home so let’s hope they’ve got plenty of food to last a few days which face it, they’re your parents they’ll have plenty of food (unless the day of the zombie attack was their Tesco shopping day).